sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
