Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
