yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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