Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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