I just saw a hot homeless man
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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