Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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