didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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