Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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