i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
