You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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