Walk of Shame. In a state park.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
