I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
