We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
