Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
