just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
