I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
sex in a hospital.. check
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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