I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
