I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
