If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
