I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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