Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I AM VODKA MAN
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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