i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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