our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
