I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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