she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
