I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
