her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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