Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Someone came in the potted fern
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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