sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
