if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My cat gives me a boner
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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