im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
