Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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