Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
