"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
