three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
