That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
