Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
