What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
