so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
