Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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