so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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