i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
