i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
