Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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