yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
