quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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