Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
