just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
