No stitches, just platelets and will power
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
