I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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