I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
