We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Randomize
