It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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