He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
